Experimental music, photography, and adventures

In a haze

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

I haven’t updated in a while, but I’m still around. There simply hasn’t been much to write about. The weather has been terrible — it has been raining almost constantly since late last week. Sarah and I have been on a bad movie kick, which we are really enjoying.

I thought about writing reviews of the awful movies we’ve watched, but I don’t think I could ever do justice to atrocities such as Contaminated Man, Storm Catcher, Troll, or Troll 2. Troll 2 is easily the worst of the bunch, but Contaminated Man remains my favorite.

Other than those things, not much has been going on. I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or something like it. I always get depressed during the winter, and this winter has been no exception. I’m still having trouble adjusting to work, avoiding smoking is still hard, I hate that I can’t get outside to exercise, and I’m generally feeling like a slug. It even seems like lately, it’s been nice outside during the week, then raining on the weekends, further contributing to my frustration.

Sarah and I had an argument on Saturday night. As usual, it started out with something stupid — I’m not even sure what anymore. It ended with me riding my bike to the gas station in the rain in the middle of the night, drunk, to buy cigarettes. That was a real act of brilliance. I smoked two cigarettes, and about 4 drags of one on Sunday, and I haven’t touched them since then. Sometimes, avoiding smoking is easier, but sometimes, it isn’t. And even now, 4+ months after quitting, I really don’t feel like myself. Even when I’m not having nicotine cravings, I’m a moody bastard with a short temper. That really isn’t like me. I’ve got to figure out how to get myself back, without going back to the nicotine. The temper part especially has to go.

Sarah and I went for a drive on Sunday to Brown County State Park. Even though it was cold and raining, it was great to be out of the house and spending time together somewhere closer to nature. We took a few photos. Most didn’t turn out, but a few did. Some of the ones that did really captured the mood of that day, which is pretty close to the mood I’ve been in general lately.

In a haze
I’ve taken numerous photos of Hesitation Point, but none quite like this. The fog is beautiful, and I like the reds and muted green colors.

Rain vision
Intentionally blurry shot of the road/trees/etc.

Weight
Minimalism in nature?

5 Responses to “In a haze”

  1. Bud Buckley Says:

    I can see that under the fog and dreariness is brilliance. Your mood may improve if you focus on what you have instead of what you’re missing.

  2. Apertome Says:

    Thanks, Bud. That sounded like it came straight out of a fortune cookie, but you make a very good point. It’s easier said than done, but I’m trying to do that.

    Also, a bit of an addendum. Today, I woke up to find a bit of snow on the ground, and more falling. This is the first snow we’ve had this winter, except for once or twice when we got a few flurries that didn’t amount to anything. Even now, there’s just a dusting, but it reminds me of how much I like snow. I’m not necessarily a big fan of cold weather in general, but if it’s going to be miserable outside, it might as well be pretty, too.

    It’s been pretty nice to have an incredibly mild winter so far, but I hope we get more snow. Enough to spend some time out in it, and maybe do some photography.

  3. furiousball Says:

    Don’t you start smoking again buddy. Go ridin’ you’ll feel better. The blurry shot of the road and trees is beautiful and it’s going to be my wallpaper now.

  4. dkeifer Says:

    Giving up cigarettes is just a huge pain in the ass. But it is worth it. (And of course, not all pain in the ass things are.) I found that the actual cravings faded out pretty fast (half a year tops), but that the other emotional things that made me want to reach for a smoke lasted a little longer. Which sucked. But in all honesty, those are the kinds of things that I had to end up dealing with (and continue to deal with) anyway.

  5. Marty Says:

    Any man that can brave the outdoors on a cold, rainy weekend and smile about it can surely beat a nicotine craving. Get out and enjoy some fresh air, a ride or even a beer. Of course, I’ve never smoked, so what the hell do I really know?

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